The last two days I’ve been in a “funk” of sorts. I couldn’t really put my finger on it until tonight, after a long drive which is what I do to unwind or let my subconcious take over and process my thoughts and feelings when I can’t figure them out.
This week I had an echo, one of the worst kinds- the echo of an ex. Not to say that the events were the same, or that I believe in any way shape or form that the Amazing one is at all like any of my ex’s. He is so far from them that it’s like night and day. Nor do I think that he would ever do to me the things that others have, he’s more than that, and I know without a doubt that this man loves me with all that he has. I also know without a doubt that this is the man I will grow old with- this is the man that will father my children, that I will share the rest of my life with. I trust him implicitly, I know he will never intentionally hurt me, lie to me, or mistreat me.
That said, the echo that I didn’t realize I was having is one from the cheater. You see every time the cheater’s ex had a problem, he was there right away to “save” her. Little did I know at the time that those “problems” were excuses, reasons to get away from me so that he could stay close to her and part of her life in that protector, white knight way. Later they were ways he escaped so that he could do his cheating. At the time I was trusting beyond belief, I didn’t make the connection- he had given me no reason to. It was a hard lesson to learn, one that sent me into a spiral that I am lucky to have recovered from.
Tonight the amazing one is at a funeral for a close family member of his ex. I understand why he is there, he’s a good man, he’s paying his respects to the family and friends who are people who have been part of his life for years, he is saying his own goodbye’s to one of them. It has nothing to do with comforting or protecting or being the white knight for his ex. Logically I know this, but my subcouncious picked up that echo and put me in a funk.
I am better now, having figured out what caused the funk, that was I think most of the reason why I was quite so freaked out, something was wrong and I couldn’t figure out what or why. I know the Amazing one would never dream of doing the things the cheater would, I know that he will come home to me tonight and hold me in his arms and all will be right with the world. I am back to my same happy chipper self. The lesson I take from this is that echos from the past can destroy the future if you aren’t careful and don’t remember that the past is the past and the people that hurt you before have nothing at all to do with the people who love you now.
