This whole women morphing into bridezilla lore that you hear about I thought was complete crap. Until I noticed that I was in fact becoming one myself. With just 39 days left until the wedding anything that does not go the way it should be going pushes me over the edge and that whole inner bitch comes screaming out of me. I was the most laid back easy going bride on the face of the planet until I started having people not do what they said they’d do, not respond to emails or calls, screw up shipping dates and screw up things we’d ordered. Now any little thing especially given the nearness of the date itself turns me into a bitchy yelling hang up on people kinda girl.
Take for example yesterday- I’d placed an order for $200 worth of disposable cameras that will be going on the reception tables. The order itself went flawlessly and they were to be delivered to my house yesterday. Normally the deliveries come right before or right after I get home from work, so when I got home and it wasn’t there I figured it would be showing up momentarily. Then it got to be 6pm and the package still wasn’t there so I hit up the UPS site and tracked it. THey showed it as delivered to my front door at 5:32pm. Unfortunately it was not actually delivered to my front door, nor to the front doors of any of my immediate neighbors. This was when I started to freak out a little, after all cameras are something other people will gladly use and I don’t care for $200 worth of stuff just going missing.
So I call the UPS support number. I spend the next 15 minutes screaming operator into their automated phone system until it finally forwards me to a real live person. I give him my tracking number and he says yes we show that package being delivered to (insert my address here) at 5:32pm and being left at the front door. This I tell him is not the case as I’ve been home since 4pm and have not seen nor heard the UPS man nor is there any package at my front door. So he then asks me to check my back door, and check all around my front door just in case. I tell him there is no package at either of my doors, and it’s not anywhere in the proximity of my house that I can see. Then he asks me if there is someone else at the residence who may have intercepted the package and taken it inside the house. No I tell him, I”ve been home since 4pm I am the only person home, I am the only person who’s been home, no one in the residence has intercepted anything. I am now getting pissed.
He then tells me, well we show the package being delivered to (my address). I again stress that it is not here, and I would really like to know what house the driver dropped the package off at as obviously it is not mine. He then reads my address back to me again and tells me that this is the address the driver delivered to. After I tell him 4 more times that I DON”T HAVE THE DAMN PACKAGE, he tells me I will need to contact the shipper and have them “put a tracer” on said package, to which my reply is “why so that you can tell the shipper that your tracer says it was delivered to my address?” This confuses him and while he’s stumbling over the next 14 words he’s trying to say I finally give up and say “from now on anytime I have anything I have to have shipped and I have any choice in who is used for the shipping I will be using FedEx you unhelpful Fucker” then I hang up.
After that I get in my car and drive around the neighborhood. My package has been delivered to the right street number but the wrong street. It’s sitting on the front porch of the people who live one street over. I’m glad the UPS guy knows what street he’s delivering shit to.
