There are times when I love how truly small the town is that I live in, and then there are times when it reminds me that I’m pretty much always only one connection away from every wacko I ever dated here and at any point they could pop back up out of nowhere and surprise me.

Case in point- yesterday I get an email from someone who just connected on another social networking site with a person I used to date. Apparently he ex used to be friends with this guy, and he somehow figured out we (she and I) work together (still not sure how) and told her to tell me hi.

So I get an email along the lines of “Jackass from 10 years ago” says to say hi to you! Huh, well, that’s interesting. Especially considering the history that “jackass from 10 years ago” and I have. I’m saving what I really call him for later in the story since I don’t want to give it all away and ruin the surprise. As SarahSpace said, this is a story I could eat out on for years, and I realized I’d probably never shared this particular gem with you fantastical readers and she enjoyed it so much that I figured what the hell lets have story time. We’ll call this my early Christmas present to you.

Lets get in our way back machine and head back to 1999. I am 21, almost 22, and all about short skirts going out every weekend night and shakin what my momma gave me. As I recall I was very good at the shakin part. I meet a guy in a bar- which really was the whole intent of the short skirts and 4 inch heels to begin with. He works at the bar (score! cheaper drinks!) and he’s pretty damn hot. That whole dark hair blue eyes thing that has always gotten me, and he had that goin on in spades- that and the whole cheaper drinks thing. He is nice to boot, so we exchange numbers and proceed to that whole casual dating thing.

Things seem to be going well, he’s smart, interested in the things I like, working his way thru school, has his own place. You know nothing that is screaming to my naive little mind RUN RUN LIKE HELL IT”S ABOUT TO GET WEIRD. Oh how weird it got. This one man is probably single handedly the weirdest of all the men I ever dated. Weirder than the foot fetish guy, weirder than the guy who only wanted to talk about the tv show wings, weirder even than the guy that always like to cook for me but always got so hot when he cooked that he sweated all into the food (though that one was more gross than weird). This one too had a slightly higher jackass quality than most- but really that part of the story pales in comparison to the other stuff.

So anyway, things are going great! We talk, we cuddle, we seem into each other, the bedroom life is going well. Then the relationship hops on the crazy train and away we go. It started simply enough, he had a secret, something that he didn’t share with everyone, something “people have a hard time understanding”. See now with my jaded 30 something year old eyes I know that those statements lead you to a point of a man admiting to one or more of the following 1) he used to be a woman, 2) he WANTS to be a woman, 3) he wants to see if you could let him wear your shoes/underware/makeup and dance around the house in them, 4) he was in jail for something, usually something really bad or 5) he’s about to ask you to do some kind of freaky ass shit in the bedroom. Normally with 5 is something like, threesomes but with another dude, open relationships, S&M, whatever. What I was not, and I mean TOTALLY not prepared for was the version of 5 that I got. He wanted me to dress him up like a baby and “mother” him.

Yeah you still with me? By dress him up like a baby- I mean full out, I mean the whole adult diapers, baby powder, give him a bottle, pacifier, sing to him like he’s my newborn son. Apparently that made him “hot” or some such. Needless to say, that wasn’t so much my cup of tea.

Well whatever is a girl to do with that one? How do you even begin to broach that subject with your friends? Yeah meet my new boyfriend, what you don’t know is right now he’s wearing a diaper so that you know he’s REAL good and in the mood when we get home.

At that point, you pretty much know the relationship is on the downward trend. But we’d already planned a little vacation together, driving to BFE north of here for a week to see his family, the sights all of that. I figured well may as well do that- I’d already taken the time off work so whatever. Long as the diapering wasn’t a thing it would be fine, he was still a nice guy, whatever (esentially all the things that 22 year olds say to themselves when their brains can’t comprehend wtf just happened). So off we go on our 8 hour drive to meet the family.

Our vacation is for 7 days- on day 5 he dumps me. In BFE. When we still have to drive 8 hours home TOGETHER. THEN he asks if I want to just finish the last two days of our vacation up like nothings wrong. Again, I politely declined. In fact I let him sleep for most of the 8 hours while I drove us home in the middle of the night. That was the last time I talked to him (shockingly I know). Now 10 years later he is sending me remote Hi’s. I don’t even know how he knew where I was. I didn’t work here then, and my last name is not the same but somehow he did. SarahSpace thinks perhaps he’s been digitally stalking me these last 10 years which I spose is possible but either way I think I’ll not be responding to his greeting. Or maybe I should and ask him if he’s still all into that crap. BTW- he’s been diaper guy in my head since then