Case in point- yesterday I get an email from someone who just connected on another social networking site with a person I used to date. Apparently he ex used to be friends with this guy, and he somehow figured out we (she and I) work together (still not sure how) and told her to tell me hi.

So I get an email along the lines of “Jackass from 10 years ago” says to say hi to you! Huh, well, that’s interesting. Especially considering the history that “jackass from 10 years ago” and I have. I’m saving what I really call him for later in the story since I don’t want to give it all away and ruin the surprise. As SarahSpace said, this is a story I could eat out on for years, and I realized I’d probably never shared this particular gem with you fantastical readers and she enjoyed it so much that I figured what the hell lets have story time. We’ll call this my early Christmas present to you.

Lets get in our way back machine and head back to 1999. I am 21, almost 22, and all about short skirts going out every weekend night and shakin what my momma gave me. As I recall I was very good at the shakin part. I meet a guy in a bar- which really was the whole intent of the short skirts and 4 inch heels to begin with. He works at the bar (score! cheaper drinks!) and he’s pretty damn hot. That whole dark hair blue eyes thing that has always gotten me, and he had that goin on in spades- that and the whole cheaper drinks thing. He is nice to boot, so we exchange numbers and proceed to that whole casual dating thing.

Things seem to be going well, he’s smart, interested in the things I like, working his way thru school, has his own place. You know nothing that is screaming to my naive little mind RUN RUN LIKE HELL IT”S ABOUT TO GET WEIRD. Oh how weird it got. This one man is probably single handedly the weirdest of all the men I ever dated. Weirder than the foot fetish guy, weirder than the guy who only wanted to talk about the tv show wings, weirder even than the guy that always like to cook for me but always got so hot when he cooked that he sweated all into the food (though that one was more gross than weird). This one too had a slightly higher jackass quality than most- but really that part of the story pales in comparison to the other stuff.

So anyway, things are going great! We talk, we cuddle, we seem into each other, the bedroom life is going well. Then the relationship hops on the crazy train and away we go. It started simply enough, he had a secret, something that he didn’t share with everyone, something “people have a hard time understanding”. See now with my jaded 30 something year old eyes I know that those statements lead you to a point of a man admiting to one or more of the following 1) he used to be a woman, 2) he WANTS to be a woman, 3) he wants to see if you could let him wear your shoes/underware/makeup and dance around the house in them, 4) he was in jail for something, usually something really bad or 5) he’s about to ask you to do some kind of freaky ass shit in the bedroom. Normally with 5 is something like, threesomes but with another dude, open relationships, S&M, whatever. What I was not, and I mean TOTALLY not prepared for was the version of 5 that I got. He wanted me to dress him up like a baby and “mother” him.

Yeah you still with me? By dress him up like a baby- I mean full out, I mean the whole adult diapers, baby powder, give him a bottle, pacifier, sing to him like he’s my newborn son. Apparently that made him “hot” or some such. Needless to say, that wasn’t so much my cup of tea.

Well whatever is a girl to do with that one? How do you even begin to broach that subject with your friends? Yeah meet my new boyfriend, what you don’t know is right now he’s wearing a diaper so that you know he’s REAL good and in the mood when we get home.

At that point, you pretty much know the relationship is on the downward trend. But we’d already planned a little vacation together, driving to BFE north of here for a week to see his family, the sights all of that. I figured well may as well do that- I’d already taken the time off work so whatever. Long as the diapering wasn’t a thing it would be fine, he was still a nice guy, whatever (esentially all the things that 22 year olds say to themselves when their brains can’t comprehend wtf just happened). So off we go on our 8 hour drive to meet the family.

Our vacation is for 7 days- on day 5 he dumps me. In BFE. When we still have to drive 8 hours home TOGETHER. THEN he asks if I want to just finish the last two days of our vacation up like nothings wrong. Again, I politely declined. In fact I let him sleep for most of the 8 hours while I drove us home in the middle of the night. That was the last time I talked to him (shockingly I know). Now 10 years later he is sending me remote Hi’s. I don’t even know how he knew where I was. I didn’t work here then, and my last name is not the same but somehow he did. SarahSpace thinks perhaps he’s been digitally stalking me these last 10 years which I spose is possible but either way I think I’ll not be responding to his greeting. Or maybe I should and ask him if he’s still all into that crap. BTW- he’s been diaper guy in my head since then

Let me put all this health care debate into real person perspective for you. For those of you that are regular readers, or up to date readers you know about my cancer scare. You all know my mother had breast cancer at the young age of 40. My Doctor, and all other doctors recommend that i have regular mammograms starting at age 30. I am now 31. I went through the scare, the sleepless nights, the unexpected medical expenses of just the copays and prescriptions and the quite real fear that I was going to end up being sick, not cold sick, Cancer sick.

I have insurance, our insurance isn’t great, but it’s not horrible. Thankfully I have a company that takes a lot of the expense of coverage for me. Thankfully for my coverage for my husband and myself I don’t go broke every paycheck trying to just keep us insured. However, even my insurance, my fairly good insurance largely failed me. Two months after my cancer scare I got a bill from the medical imaging facility that had provided my biopsy and mammogram and ultrasound. Apparently my insurance decided to cover a portion but not all of my bill for services. I owe them an additional $200+. Granted for my husband and I this is not a HUGE amount of money, it’s painful but it won’t force us to skip bills. For others, that single bill means they no longer have money to pay rent, buy food, buy gas to get to and from the job that will pay for what the insurance will not.

After getting and opening the bill, hubby of mine looked at me and said you know, if you’d really been sick one or both of us would have probably had to file bankruptcy. The sad part is, he’s completely right. We were one positive test result away from not only dealing with months of chemo or surgery and recovery or radiation, based on what my insurance DID cover vs what it did not we would have been drowning by this point in medical bills.

So please, pretty please do not tell me that we do not as a country need some type of healthcare reform. Please do not tell me that it is OK for an insurance company to suddenly decide that someone who is sick, and has been sick for years is no longer “insurable” forcing them to go to an insurance plan where they still pay hundreds of dollars of month that in the end saves them some money but not what it should. Personally, having a parent who has reached the “uninsurable” level and seeing what they go through with what they pay just to get SOME level of coverage I think the insurance companies already have their own Death Panels, composed of people just looking out for the bottom line, just trying to get that profit.

I can only assume that the people out there protesting, holding the signs, making a scene have either never been sick, or had a scare, or seen a friend or relative go bankrupt or go without care simply because they cannot afford to get the care they need. They’ve never gotten a bill, a letter from an insurance company saying that test to see if you had cancer? Yeah you didn’t really NEED that so we’re not paying it, even though you give us thousands of dollars a year. Either that or they’re all on the insurance company payrolls. I hope my country wakes up soon, gets past whatever this bullshit is that is holding us back and making us all look insane. Perhaps we need to have a sane people rally, where we can all show up and just stand there quietly saying thank you that someone finally is intent on making a change.

Umm…. Lets break this down shall we?

Naked Men = Good

Hot Men = Good

Yoga = Good

Hot Yoga = Yeah that’s good too

Hot Men doing hot yoga= I’m all on board for that

Naked men, doing hot yoga, that’s where something in my head just snaps a little. It’s one of those moments where the individual components all are fantastic on their own or in smaller combinations. It reminds me of the friends episode where Rachel is making the thanksgiving dessert, and the pages of her magazine get together and before you know it she’s made a concotion of Ladyfingers, Strawberries, Whipped Cream and Beef Browned with peas and onions. All by themselves all excellent, the first three ingredients excellent, the last three also excellent. Together, one hot mess.

Yoga is a calming thing, it’s a centering things, it’s all about strenghthening and elongating and releasing stress. It is also a thing which can contain poses that while fine, hell even lovely with your pants on just get a little weird when they’re off- and that applies to the ladies and the mens. I for one am just not sure I could watch, much less follow a naked hot man getting his downward facing dog on. I’m not sure if it would be more laughter or sheer horror and shock that would get me, but one of them sure as hell would.

Last night the lovely officer from the City of Shepherdsville police dept was kind enough to give me a ticket for ‘rolling” thru the stop sign in our subdivision. A nice little $163 ticket. No more than 10 feet from my driveway. I should have apparently stayed in bed all this month.

As many of you know, my mother was diagnosed with and survived breast cancer many years ago. As she was only 40 at diagnosis I have been somewhat vigilant in my monthly self exams. It was always a half fear, but then again not really something I was overly concerned with. Then this month I found a mass. I went to the Doctor, again somewhat worried, but not overly concerned. I’m only 31, the risk is certainly there given my family history but not something I ever thought was huge. Then all of a sudden my world went upside down.

The Doctor put me in for what I suppose could be considered an emergency mammogram and ultrasound. They insisted that I be seen and scanned that day. I was concerned (frankly I actually kinda lost it) but again, I kept the belief that the next Doctor would say there was nothing really to worry about and I would be fine. So I go to my next set of tests that same day, where technicians worked thru lunch to make sure I was seen. After the scans I saw immediately the radiologist who analysed my films on the spot. Then he said the words, I think we need to take a biopsy. However it was already Friday afternoon, so it would be Monday before I could get in for it.

Now I don’t know if any of you have ever been in that position, it’s a hard thing to describe really. It was like all the air just got sucked out of my body. I couldn’t think of anything, nor could I clear my head. (which is a concept that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense I know but that’s just how it was). Suddenly I wasn’t thinking about what to do that night, or later that afternoon. My mind shifted and each minute seemed like something I had to plan for, how to get the hell out of the exam room, how to get my shirt back on, how to get my appt rescheduled and get myself to the car without completely breaking down. Once i made it thru that hurdle, it was how to tell A1, how to get out of the parking lot. Everything went in some kind of slow motion.

I called work, pretty much still in hysterics (this was after my initial hysterical call between the first and second Dr appt), I called Sarahspace, who I then went to see. I don’t remember how I got to her house, I don’t remember what roads I took, for all I know I was running red lights and stop signs the whole way there. Everything just kind of took on this dream like quality, except it was a nightmare. That weekend was the longest weekend of my life, I wrestled with that whole I will be fine, but what if I’m not.. I had to tell my mom, which I dreaded more because I didn’t want to worry her than anything else. I randomly broke down crying all weekend, all while trying desperately to hold it together. I cannot be more thankful for my friends and family though who supported me and helped keep me distracted and otherwise busy so that i never spent too much time focused on the what could be’s.

Monday came and went, and let me tell you, needle biopsy is not a fun thing to go thru. I had literally six different needles of assorted sizes and shapes stuck in me. I made the mistake of opening my eyes and seeing the big biopsy needle vacuum thing right before they used it. The Doctor and nurses though were so very nice and comforting. By the time I was done and bandaged up and ready to go home I just felt hollowed out. I had one disproportionately HUGE boob which was already bruising around the giant bandage by the time we got home. It hurt to touch it/lay on it/bump it, put it in a bra or a shirt that clung too much.

I couldn’t focus, couldn’t work, couldn’t stay concentrating on anything for a long period of time. Every time my phone rang I jumped. I tried my hardest to avoid WebMD and the cancer society web sites and anything else that might just further freak me out. It only took 48 hours for my results to come back but I have to say every minute of those 48 hours crawled by.

I am happy to say that everything came back normal, or at least benign. I revisit for another scan in 6 months and now have apparently a titanium chip in my boob to mark where trouble was once found. I’m less than two weeks out from the scare and I think that it’s affected me more than I initially realized. I just do not feel like myself right now.

I think perhaps I just need to unplug for a little while, take a mini vacation and relax and try to get past it. It’s been hard to do with the visible reminders still so present though (I’m finally finally as of yesterday not bruised but still have the spots where the biggest of the needles went in which haven’t yet healed). The mental/emotional stuff just isn’t quite healed yet, I guess I thought once I was past it and knew I was ok that I would just bounce right back and that’s proving to be a little harder than I realized. I will get there though, I think at this point it’s just going to take a little bit of time.

Look at this thing, look at it carefully, then explain to me who the hell wants to wear one of these things? in fact make sure you go thru all the pictures, I am particularly fond of the one with the guy riding his bike in the rain with this thing on. Personally I think I’d rather go the old fashioned umbrella route, or newspaper, or a plastic bag, or perhaps even just suck it up and get wet than wear this. I wonder how many they’ve sold.

Moving on to finishing up the posts I’ve started over the last few weeks and not gotten around to finishing, I’d like to start back with my adventures in coffee making.

I freely admit I’m a coffee-a-holic. I must have it every morning, and if I don’t I get those annoying lack of morning caffeine headaches. Yeah I’m addicted. A few weeks ago I’d had to do without my Saturday morning cup(s) as I was out of creamer here at the house. I do love my coffee, but I just cannot drink it black. I was proud of myself, I’d gone a whole day without any. Sunday though I couldn’t resist. I’d gone out and gotten my creamer Saturday afternoon, I was up and ready Sunday for a delicious cup. I pour my grounds into the filter, fill the coffee maker up with water, and hit the button. Nothing. I hit the button again,,, still nothing. Fantastic, my years old coffee maker has finally died.

Ok I tell myself, this is not a problem. It is still early, I can just go buy another coffee maker. So off I go to Meijers. I purchase my brand new coffee maker and head happily home. As soon as I get home, I unpack it, ready to fill it up and get my caffeine on. Then I realize, I’ve got filters, but of course my new coffee maker uses differen filters than the old one, and there are no free filters included with the new purchase. Ok, another kink in the coffee making plans. I am annoyed now, but I try to relax. The NCAA tournament was on, so I figure, it’s fine. I will distract myself with basketball, then I will go buy filters.

Post game I’m off to the closest store, a walgreens to buy filters. Of course, shockingly our Walgreens doesn’t carry ANY apparently. So I head to the NEXT closest store, the Kroger. Finally I find filters and head back home. I put coffee in new filter, load it up and pour water into the proper place in the BRAND NEW coffee maker. Next thing I know I have a half a pot of water pouring out of the bottom of the BRAND NEW coffee maker and onto my kitchen counter and floor. It’s 3pm, my brand new coffee maker is defective, I’ve had NO coffee and now I’m pissed.

A normal person would have just gone and purchased a cup of coffee from somewhere, anywhere. I am not a normal person, and now it’s all about making my OWN coffee. It must be made from my own coffee maker, and I must make it with my own two hands. A1 is perfectly aware of my crazy, and at this point I am in full blown crazy mode.

Off I go again to buy a new coffee maker. Meijers has pissed me off with it’s defective crap, so I go to the local walmart. I but ANOTHER new coffee maker, ensure I have the correct filters and head home. I start to make a new pot, YAY this one holds water, the filters fit, I can hear the percolating… Then my work phone rings. The coffee is there, brewing, tempting me, and I am stuck on a call with the office. I have to go to work.. I WILL NOT LEAVE WITHOUT MY COFFEE. So I pour my coffee, my own two hands brewed coffee into a travel mug and head to work. I do have to say that at 6pm on a Sunday night that cup of coffee may have been the best tasting cup of coffee I’ve ever had.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m the only one who notices this.. but then again I did catch the hymen plucento on that coffee commercial and according to my top search phrases lots of people caught that too.

If the rednecks know how to get online and get to our site I’m super excited to see what kind of stuff they post about. I’m sure I’ll find at least a few interesting things to share with you all…

In other news, I’ve just returned from Tucson where I was filming sessions for a sharepoint conference. It’s weird to know that I’ve just written and filmed these classes that people are going to pay money to watch. I am a little terrified of things like the reviews, I had that problem that seems to follow tech speakers everywhere they go, demos that just blow up. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a tech conference where the speaker has had every demo go properly every time. The nice thing about these sessions is that it’s springboarding me a little, and I’ve also been asked to start writing tech articles. This excites me, it makes me nervous, but writing at least is a little easier than in person (or in video) teaching. I am surprised that I’ve ended up here somehow, but happy nonetheless.

I did love Tucson, SarahSpace and I actually were there together, and it was a great time. I can now also cross Arizona off the list of places that I’ve been. Our favorite part was probably our rental car. It was a Grand Marquise, and let me tell you going from driving my little TC to driving the massive Grand Marquise was a bit of a shock. That car was so big I swear to you it echoed when we laughed or talked too loudly. I also got to add going thru border patrol to my list of new adventures. We had one off day which we used to visit tombstone, and for whatever reason border patrol was sitting outside of what I think may have been the only road out of tombstone checking cars. I do have to say that I was a little surprised that it was way easier to get thru border patrol than it is to get thru airport security. The only thing they asked us was if we were US citizens and if we had anything in the trunk. there was no ID’ing, there was no looking in the trunk, just answer the questions and away you go. I would have liked to have a great story about being chased by border patrol in the Grand Marquise thru the Arizona desert, but alas, no such luck for us. In fact we didn’t really have a whole lot of weird/crazy shit happen to us which is especially unusual considering how SarahSpace and I seem to attract weird and crazy shit fairly regularly.

Here’s hoping that some of my normal interesting crap starts happening soon so that I have more entertaining stories to share with you all.