I have always tried to believe in karma. What you put out you eventually get back. If you try your best to be good, eventually you will be rewarded. If you spend your life fucking people over, hurting those around you, eventually that will come back to you too.

So as I’m sure you locals know my father flipped the fuck out. I’m not just talking about the flip the fuck out that my family and I were used to. I’m talking giant, public, flaming, news at 11 flip out.

After the initial blitz of crap that came from it where nearly everyone I’ve ever known or worked with called or emailed or facebooked or whatever’d me died down I was left with some reflection. In a way it’s kind of like a giant release. Suddenly all those who wondered why I was always so weird around him, or why I didn’t seem to care for him understand or at least think they understand.

Now, finally, the ties that bind, those that have been holding us, gagging us for years are severed and I can talk freely. We’ve spent decades being yelled down, manipulated, and abused into submission and damnit I don’t have to be quiet anymore.

As I collect my thoughts more, as life settles into this new normal, which is not normal at all honestly, I plan on posting more. It’s cathartic, but most importantly if it helps just one person then it’s worth it. I know that out there there are thousands of women who are afraid. Women who don’t know what they will do to set him off next- those who don’t believe they’re good enough because they’ve spent so long being told about all of their faults and all of the things that they do wrong. I know what it’s like to not know whether you’ll make it thru the night without yelling, praying that just one week will go by without a blow up, without the shit being thrown and the fists coming at you. You are not alone, you can survive it, you can be stronger.

Dear Interwebs,
That’s it, I’m just about done. There should be some sort of limit to the amount of bullshit one person has to deal with in their life, and I believe by now I should be well past it. I am having the kind of month where strangers would think to themselves upon hearing about it that I either have a vivid imagination, am completely delusional, or am just a straight out liar.
All I know is that I cannot take anymore bad things, anymore bad news, anymore bullshit and stress and idiocy (or idiocracy, I can’t decide which is more fitting). The hole I am in feels endlessly deep and each time I think I’ve hit bottom I’ve really only hit another fake bottom that drops out from under me like a trap door and I just keep falling.
This is my mood- and my mood is crap and black and friggen depressing.
So dear sweet baby Jesus, or whoever is running this show, perhaps some good luck please? Perhaps a big win to make up for all the giant suck? If I could have just one thing be ok or fixed or better or right I would be so much happier. Kthx

For some reason the Frogs post has led google and their “smart” ad widget to believe that adult diapers are the thing that go best with that post.. I’m not sure what to make of that….