A few weeks ago I had one of those Saturdays. You know the one that when you’re in the middle of it you’re all, WTF does this shit ever happen to anyone else?

It started out simply enough I went to the local Lowes to get myself some pretty new flowers for the front flower bed. A1 was having a garden tour at the house so we were due to be invaded by a plethora of old people who were going to be wandering around my house being all judgy and such. I found several pretty flowers, some potting soil and new pots for the front porch, loaded them up in the car and headed to the house.

I’m about halfway home, crusing down the highway at a comfortable 75 mph and the next thing I know, something large and wet jumped from my backseat and landed on my arm. ON MY ARM. So I did what any other person who’s just been assaulted by something large and wet unexpectedly would do and I freaked the fuck out. I was screaming like a 12 year old who just saw that Justin Beiber kid and started swerving all over the highway. I look at my arm, and there’s a frog, a FROG sitting on my arm, looking back at me. Apparently the high pitched screaming didn’t really do much for the frog so it jumped from my arm to my dashboard and stared at me like WTH lady you’re a million times bigger than me please chill the fuck out.

So now I’m on the highway, still doing 75, staring at a frog who’s sitting on my dashboard staring at me. That’s when I decide you know what, I need to call my mom, cause she’s not gonna believe this shit. Mom answers on the second ring and I say to her “I almost just died in a horrible fiery crash on the highway cause there’s a frog loose in my car!”. She doesn’t quite understand what I’m saying cause I’m still a little 12 year old girl so asks me to repeat myself cause all she got was fiery car crash. So I start to tell her again, in a calmer voice, when the fucking frog leaps from the dashboard onto my shoulder freaking me the fuck out all over again. At this point my mom’s yelling back at me cause I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m being killed.

The frog then jumps from my shoulder back to the car door. I’m now off the highway and able to tell my mother in a clear and calm voice that there’s a friggen frog loose in my car. In all her proper britishness she says “Are you sure it’s a frog and not a toad?” This leads to a two minute debate about how she’s pretty sure it can’t be a frog it must be a toad and i’m telling her, nope it’s most defenitely a frog, I am aware of the differences between the two.

I get home, walk into the house and look at A1 and say there’s a friggen frog loose in my car. This seems to not phase him at all, like this is the kind of thing that happens all the time to people, completely normal. I grab a flashlight and head out to the car to try to track this thing down while he waves to me from the couch. out in the driveway I open all the car doors and the trunk and I’m looking everywhere for the damn frog. While i’m doing this SisterDear calls, she’s just moved into our neighborhood and is literally one street over and she’s wants to know what I’m doing. So I tell her, yeah I’m looking for a frog that is loose somewhere in my car. Her only response is “I’ll be right there”. Two minutes later she has arrived and now she and I both are trying to find this freaking frog who has vanished into thin air.

After 15 minutes of hunting we can find the frog nowhere. I assume, or hope at least that the little fucker jumped out one of the open doors so we give up. She goes home and I go to plant my new flowers. As I’m taking one of the flowers out of it’s lowes pot to seperate it out my hand hits something wet. Yup the frog has returned to it’s flower pot and it’s sitting there, watching me again. It hopped into the front garden, and I’ve not seen it since, but one thing I have learned from this is that I will now check all flowers prior to loading them into my car for unexpected wildlife.

At age 32, I am finally a C cup. When I was 18 I dreamed of this day, wished for it, hoped and prayed that one day I would wake up and actually have some boobs to be licious with. While I could point to my slow post marriage weight gain (not too much, but about 10 lbs) I instead will pretend that this is related to the titanium in my “super boob” post the cancer scare and count that as a good thing that came from having them smashed 18 ways from Sunday and felt up by 15 different strangers.

Hellooooo world (if any of you are still out there since I haven’t written in a while). It’s been a stressful few months/weeks/days here in my world and unfortunately things like the blog suffered for that. I promise to try to get back on the writing horse though and try to make the updates more normal again.

To give you all a little glimpse into the way things have been going lately, lets talk about my weekend. Friday I burned the crap out of myself on the oven. Nothing says “Yay Dinner!” like the smell of tasty chicken and burnt arm hair. Currently I am sporting a fantastic burn mark on my left forearm. I’m hoping it won’t scar, but if it does I’ll just make up a fatastic story about being in some kind of fight involving torches.

Saturday I decided I needed to do a little shopping, and for once not shopping that involved groceries or household supplies so I took myself to the local mall. I found one of those once in a blue moon right by the entrance parking spots and thanks the shopping heavens. I then got some killer deals on pretty girl underthings and returned to my car thinking oh, how wonderful, the stars are shining on me today. Then I promptly got into a fender bender while exiting my fantastic parking spot after netting my awesome shopping deals. I have to say for being little and cute my Scion kicked that Accords ass. I have a little dent and a bit of scratched paint, she has a totally busted out bumper.

Sunday it rained… ALL DAY. I swear it’s like we’ve been picked up and moved to the Pacific coast. This place feels more like a scene from the last Twilight movie than Kentucky, and has for the last several weeks. Apparently the slow steady rain was far too much for our poor power company to take and our power went out. At that point I was just WAY over the weekend and all the suck.

So now we sit at Tuesday. A1 has been sick the last few weeks, and especially the last few nights when we go to bed he’s been suddenly turning the bed into a hot box. The last two nights I’ve woken up feeling like I’m under a heat lamp so sleep has been a little hard to come by. Personally I prefer the freezer method when I sleep, where you’re covered by 15 different blankets and it’s so cold only your nose sticks out and you make little icicles with your breath. He’s more the mid-temp kind of sleeper, throwing covers off of himself mid sleep and onto me which just adds to my trapped in an oven feeling. Tonight I think we will be adjusting the AC again to try to find that happy medium.

This has been my last few days, how have things been with all of you lately?